ENCUENTRO EXPRESIONES
I was once invited to an Arts and Disability festival in Veracruz,called Encuentro Expresiones. It was awesome. Deaf actors told their story through sign language which was then partly translated into Spanish. The clarity and playfulness of the performers, their ability to transmit the essence of an emotion with a single expression and gesture, was astounding. There were also blind singers playing salsa and typical Mexican music -- they were so spirited the crowd was dancing and romping all over the place, and the band didn't miss a beat. Young men and women with down syndrome danced folkloric dances with a sincerity and tenderness that was palpable enough to melt a cynic. Jorge Font talked with impeccable eloquence on the journey of fulfillment through sacrifice -- the process of adjusting to a limited level of physical mobility after an accident and finding strength, independence, and the love of his life within that new beginning. He has been married for quite some time now, a proud father and a big inspiration to all of us. I read my poetry.
The most invigorating thing about the festival was the sharing of art, not to inspire pity compassion or charity in people, but simply to share ourselves with the world. I could make many interconnections between distinct disabilities, sharing sharing laughter, struggles, and information.
FRAGILITY (?) AND DISABILITY
Lexi Luca, an extraordinary workshop leader who break dances on crutches elevating himself up and doing impossible twists with his arms and back, invited us to dance with him on the main stage. Below the stage there was a pretty sharp drop and a few feet below a little platform were actors could step onto the stage. Below that was the hard cobbleston ground and the tremendous roaring crowd. When it came time for me to do my solo dance I crawled on the stage floor after a little while of dancing in my wheelchair. I could see in peoples expressions a look of surprise.
I suspect that some people unconsciously assume that being in a wheelchair means being stuck in it twenty four seven. That varies depending on the person. People who don't know my level of mobility are often extra careful to offer their assistance when I am transferring from one chair to another or from a car seat into my wheelchair and even hold me when I say I can do it myself. When I lie sprawled on the grass reading a book often passersby look at my empty wheelchair with confusion and ask with a tone of grave concern " Are you Okay? Is everything all right?" When I say I'm reading in the sun or meditating I've noticed a faint smile of recognition dawning on their faces.
Sometimes when friends or acquaintances push my wheelchair or lower me into a pond or a pool of water a phrase I've heard is " Tell me if anything hurts" or more directly " I'm afraid to hurt you." They are often surprised when I get into the deep water and start swimming with ease into the distance. A friend of mine who is a physical therapist in Mexico admitted to me that when she first started working with people in wheelchairs she was afraid we were like porcelain cups that could shatter into a million pieces if we were not handled correctly. Now she finds the thought amusing. That's not to say that people in wheelchairs don't have serious limits in their mobility or sensitive spots but usually we are pretty confident about gaging our limits and asking for help when and how we need it. I accept the generous help and interest from fully mobile people in their quest to assist me and also ask them to be a little more trusting in our ability to verbalize our own needs.
THE DANCE PERFORMANCE EXPERIMENT
I had suspected that some peoples assumptions about my fragility were quite strong but I wanted to do an experiment to test just how deeply rooted they were. So in the Lexi Luca dance I crawled to the edge of the stage as part of my dance and then allowed my body to gracefully slide down onto the second platform right below it. Then I crawled to the brink of that with a big smile on my face and poised myself there. Several hundred people were at the festival outdoors in a section of the market and suddenly it grew so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. Simultaneously people stood up and started dashing to the stage in a panic. I could hear voices shouting : "quick: he is going to fall! whats he going to do?"
One of the organizers of the conference admitted later that evening that he had to go the doctor and take some tranquilizers that night to recover from the shock. Just as the audience was about to grab hold of and "rescue me" I slipped out of their grasp and hoisted myself smoothly back on to the center of the main stage and continued to dance, visibly enjoying the music as if nothing had occurred. Several audience members asked me: "Did you intend to that? I answered somewhat obliquely in the hopes of engraving the question in their minds through the use of mystery."
Curiously enough my fellow dancers in wheelchairs or with disability didn't seem alarmed; they were smiling and enjoying the dance for its wackiness or artistic composition or busy rocking out to the music. javascript:void(0)My friend Manuel who has worked assisting me with some of my physical needs looked a little concerned but didn't rush in a frenzy to help.
WHAT DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SEX?
The assumption of fragility can contribute to the idea that we are ethereal beings with very delicate bodies that could be hurt during sex. Who would have sex with a porcelain cup that could at any moment break into a million pieces? The few times in my life that I have had sex, more then once someone has asked: What if I hurt you? Am I too heavy? Slowly the women I was involved with grew more comfortable with following their impulses and trusting my ability to tell them if something was too much. Even then, I noticed, as with any relationship, it takes time to reach a balance of trust, confidence and mutual curiosity.
Another pattern at play is the perception that because I am in a wheelchair I am not only more fragile physically but emotionally as well. In other words the thought that if someone were to date me, have a relationship, and then break up with me they could hurt my feelings more because of the perceived extraordinary adversity often associated with disability.
My first serious girlfriend (now a friend) expressed a strong fear that if she left me I would be devastated and that my parents would resent her for it. I think gradually she came to realize the hurt I could experience was no lesser or greater than what a "normal" person would feel in a break up. Her initial certainty that she would be the one to break off the relationship when and if it happened also was revised as we deepened our bond. She could leave me, or I could leave her or it could be a mutual decision.
A LITTLE SIDE NOTE
Have you noticed in airports, when someone in a wheelchair boards a plane and transfers to an aisle chair he or she is always strapped in? And not just strapped in - the amount of seat belt material around their torso waist and legs is enough to evoke the image of a convict chained on his way to prison. Do you know what I mean?
Showing posts with label ekiwah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ekiwah. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Acsexible: fashion, beauty and wheelchairs
This note has a jumpy quality to it. Leaping from idea to idea. Maybe its because I'm in a jumpy mood or the connections arent teased out in my mind yet. I will let it be as is. Maybe you can help me connect the dots. I trust there is a link between them.
I think its time to suggest a new turn to the fashion industry and create wheelchair accesible bras. In other words to become acsexible. That's how I plan to get rich. I know -- I'm serious, its a little frustrating to be in a really romantic moment and kill it by fumbling trying to get a bra undone and struggling to unsnap it.
And what about wheelchairs? They're so robotic and foreign looking. They evoke an alien machine, a go go gadget thing, an infirm object. Or at least they do in some peoples minds. I say bring on the art. Let wheelchairs be filled with street art, murals, flowers, politics. Let our wheelchairs become an extension of our external identity instead of a de-personalized unsexy object. That's why the back of my wheelchair now is spray painted pink. Its just the beginning though I want a jungle of color there.
Certain groups within the Mayan tradition used to flatten babies forehead's with stones when they were born because they saw the flat foreheads as a sign of beauty. Though this practice may seem brutal to us its interesting to note that in many indigenous cultures deformity and mutilation of the body was seen as a sign of beauty. I don't take credit for these words; a colleague who is a fashion designer and has done plenty of research on the subject mentioned them in passing.
Its true. Even today piercings and tattoo's which are from a certain angle a kind of defilement to the body can be seen as a sign of sexiness. We have to bring that idea back in the context of disability and deformity. If someone has some part of their body amputated or atrophied... there are two choices, both of which are valid: 1) You can hide it. 2) You can find ways to say " This is my body and I find it beautiful. That's where we need the creative fashion and costume designers to give us their input. ,
The media often portrays people in wheelchairs as infirm, heroic, childlike and sickly among other things. How about just showing people in wheelchairs as ordinary sexy people with their own diverse sense of style?
I think the media has very narrow image of beauty that contributes to some peoples notion about disability being in some way related to unattractiveness. I think its really wonderful when art, images and film can challenge and question the boundaries between beautiful and ugly. In other words, there are many types of inner and outer beauty and I aspire to welcome its diverse shapes.
In certain cases someone with a disability needs to adapt the clothes they wear because of certain limitations which in turn limits the clothes they can wear. I have a hard time with zippers and pants with buttons on them so some clothes I like have to be adapted for me or I simply can't wear them even if I like how they look.
Clothes that are both fashionable sexy and easy to wear for all kinds of people regardless of their physical limitations must be more available. Jane Austen said "there are as many ways to love as moments in time. I think what she said
also applies to beauty - there are as many ways to be beautiful as moments in time.
I think its time to suggest a new turn to the fashion industry and create wheelchair accesible bras. In other words to become acsexible. That's how I plan to get rich. I know -- I'm serious, its a little frustrating to be in a really romantic moment and kill it by fumbling trying to get a bra undone and struggling to unsnap it.
And what about wheelchairs? They're so robotic and foreign looking. They evoke an alien machine, a go go gadget thing, an infirm object. Or at least they do in some peoples minds. I say bring on the art. Let wheelchairs be filled with street art, murals, flowers, politics. Let our wheelchairs become an extension of our external identity instead of a de-personalized unsexy object. That's why the back of my wheelchair now is spray painted pink. Its just the beginning though I want a jungle of color there.
Certain groups within the Mayan tradition used to flatten babies forehead's with stones when they were born because they saw the flat foreheads as a sign of beauty. Though this practice may seem brutal to us its interesting to note that in many indigenous cultures deformity and mutilation of the body was seen as a sign of beauty. I don't take credit for these words; a colleague who is a fashion designer and has done plenty of research on the subject mentioned them in passing.
Its true. Even today piercings and tattoo's which are from a certain angle a kind of defilement to the body can be seen as a sign of sexiness. We have to bring that idea back in the context of disability and deformity. If someone has some part of their body amputated or atrophied... there are two choices, both of which are valid: 1) You can hide it. 2) You can find ways to say " This is my body and I find it beautiful. That's where we need the creative fashion and costume designers to give us their input. ,
The media often portrays people in wheelchairs as infirm, heroic, childlike and sickly among other things. How about just showing people in wheelchairs as ordinary sexy people with their own diverse sense of style?
I think the media has very narrow image of beauty that contributes to some peoples notion about disability being in some way related to unattractiveness. I think its really wonderful when art, images and film can challenge and question the boundaries between beautiful and ugly. In other words, there are many types of inner and outer beauty and I aspire to welcome its diverse shapes.
In certain cases someone with a disability needs to adapt the clothes they wear because of certain limitations which in turn limits the clothes they can wear. I have a hard time with zippers and pants with buttons on them so some clothes I like have to be adapted for me or I simply can't wear them even if I like how they look.
Clothes that are both fashionable sexy and easy to wear for all kinds of people regardless of their physical limitations must be more available. Jane Austen said "there are as many ways to love as moments in time. I think what she said
also applies to beauty - there are as many ways to be beautiful as moments in time.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
SEX SHOP: A SCENE FROM "THE PLAY" BY GREG JOSSELYN AND EKIWAH
This is a scene from " The Play" Co-written and directed with Greg Josselyn. It attempts to address, sexuality disability and the search for love. I think I will let it speak for itself:
EKIWAH TRIES TO CLIMB INTO A SEX SHOP
davis, a man on the street, walks by.
without introduction, ekiwah asks:
EKIWAH
Can I get into the sex shop?
DAVIS
What?
EKIWAH
Can I get into the sex shop?
DAVIS
It’s right there. You 18?
davis points to the sex shop
EKIWAH
I can’t get in.
DAVIS
You need a fake ID?
EKIWAH
The only way in is if you checked the amount of stairs.
I’m sorry.
What I’m really asking you.
laughs
Is if you can carry me up there.
DAVIS
laughs, uncomfortably
Wha. Ah. Hm. Oh. Okay. Um.
Hey, ah.
I’m sorry.
Ah.
Fuck. Um.
See, the problem is that my back is out.
I would do it, man. Believe me. I honestly would do it. But. It really.
EKIWAH
Would you mind checking the number of steps?
davis scopes it out
DAVIS
sighs
Looks like at least 15.
EKIWAH
Do you think I could crawl?
DAVIS
fascinated
Okay. What. (!) What are you gonna do – come in there on all fours like a
jungle boy? That’s crazy, man!
EKIWAH
burning
They’ve -- They’ve --- you know, they put ramps everywhere!
They’ve got a wheelchair accessible Post Office!
And they pride themselves on being the most wheelchair accessible---
I don’t know. They pride themselves on being the most wheelchair accessible
towns!
They have a wheelchair accessible campus.
You can almost go EVERYWHERE in this town!
And. A Sex Shop.
Which is. Sex is one of the most basic things to mankind, you know?
It’s not accessible.
Because there’s this assumption!
DAVIS
Okay. Come on, man. It’s nothing special up there. What do you want me to
do. I have no problem --- if you have money, I’ll go up and buy you
condoms. Like, it’s not a big deal. You want a movie? Fine. Your business,
right?
What’s so fascinating about this thing?
You know, you’re really pushing me here. Cause, you know, I’ve got to get to
work.
EKIWAH
Well. What I’m wanting, is, I think there must be something, something more.
Which isn’t something that you can transport. Like, I don’t know, like. A dark
room with stars on the rooftop. And a gypsy swirling woman who owns a
tiger. And then, as I crawl up, well, it’s based on a dream I had. I, I find out
that I am the tiger and I’ve just escaped from the zoo and I’m just hungry for
food. And they sell these magic pens that you can only use to write on
somebody else’s body. They will only write on somebody else’s naked body,
not on paper.
And there’s just love.
Love. And you know, like that poem of Stanley Kunitz.
“Summer is late my heart. Words plucked out of the air some forty years ago
when I was wild with love. Darling, do you remember the man you married?
Touch me. Remind me who I am.”
Like, that kind of a feeling, you know?
DAVIS
I’m sorry.
EKIWAH
Oh, no no no. I’m very happy with my life.
I’ll try someone else.
Have a beautiful day.
starts to turn away
DAVIS
No, no, no. But seriously, man. Honestly. I just want to tell you, yah, I totally
hear you. I just want to say.
It’s not what you think it is.
EKIWAH
. . . .
DAVIS
It’s . . . It’s . . . Well. I rented a movie from there once.
And then I saw the woman was really thin, her bones were all sticking out
she had pounds of make up to cover her sleep rings and I was like, why? You
know what I mean? That girl looked really bad – And I’m sorry, real people
don’t look like that.
And like, she was being so objectified and looked so miserable and I just
vomited. It was disgusting. I’m just trying to say. You are such a nice guy.
And honestly, the stuff down there, you don’t know who you would meet, or
who would take advantage of you. Just be careful, okay?
EKIWAH
(downloads this)
Thank you.
I guess I thought . . .
Never-mind, thank you. Thank you for your help.
a woman appears
ekiwah is struck by her
she climbs up to the sex shop
inspired, ekiwah writes a letter to a lover he doesn’t know yet:
EKIWAH
I sing to your invisible shape
thickening in the frost on my window
and disappearing as I touch you
In the married women
whose bodies I cannot reach
I'm reminded of your boldness
They travel beneath the earth
to make love with death and live doubly
shooting spring into the minerals of the underground.
beat
I dream of the pomegranate scattering
her jeweled laughter
across rivers and sinewy orchards
and young women shimmering light
within the day's gray studios
Beloved,
I wont be able to lift you into bed
jog with you on the beach
or unbutton you quickly
but I will come slowly
rolling on wheels
I strive to hear
the wind between the small cracks
of one sentence and another
bearing news of you
My body is an erect bamboo hungering heat
I'm not cut out for monastic love
EKIWAH TRIES TO CLIMB INTO A SEX SHOP
davis, a man on the street, walks by.
without introduction, ekiwah asks:
EKIWAH
Can I get into the sex shop?
DAVIS
What?
EKIWAH
Can I get into the sex shop?
DAVIS
It’s right there. You 18?
davis points to the sex shop
EKIWAH
I can’t get in.
DAVIS
You need a fake ID?
EKIWAH
The only way in is if you checked the amount of stairs.
I’m sorry.
What I’m really asking you.
laughs
Is if you can carry me up there.
DAVIS
laughs, uncomfortably
Wha. Ah. Hm. Oh. Okay. Um.
Hey, ah.
I’m sorry.
Ah.
Fuck. Um.
See, the problem is that my back is out.
I would do it, man. Believe me. I honestly would do it. But. It really.
EKIWAH
Would you mind checking the number of steps?
davis scopes it out
DAVIS
sighs
Looks like at least 15.
EKIWAH
Do you think I could crawl?
DAVIS
fascinated
Okay. What. (!) What are you gonna do – come in there on all fours like a
jungle boy? That’s crazy, man!
EKIWAH
burning
They’ve -- They’ve --- you know, they put ramps everywhere!
They’ve got a wheelchair accessible Post Office!
And they pride themselves on being the most wheelchair accessible---
I don’t know. They pride themselves on being the most wheelchair accessible
towns!
They have a wheelchair accessible campus.
You can almost go EVERYWHERE in this town!
And. A Sex Shop.
Which is. Sex is one of the most basic things to mankind, you know?
It’s not accessible.
Because there’s this assumption!
DAVIS
Okay. Come on, man. It’s nothing special up there. What do you want me to
do. I have no problem --- if you have money, I’ll go up and buy you
condoms. Like, it’s not a big deal. You want a movie? Fine. Your business,
right?
What’s so fascinating about this thing?
You know, you’re really pushing me here. Cause, you know, I’ve got to get to
work.
EKIWAH
Well. What I’m wanting, is, I think there must be something, something more.
Which isn’t something that you can transport. Like, I don’t know, like. A dark
room with stars on the rooftop. And a gypsy swirling woman who owns a
tiger. And then, as I crawl up, well, it’s based on a dream I had. I, I find out
that I am the tiger and I’ve just escaped from the zoo and I’m just hungry for
food. And they sell these magic pens that you can only use to write on
somebody else’s body. They will only write on somebody else’s naked body,
not on paper.
And there’s just love.
Love. And you know, like that poem of Stanley Kunitz.
“Summer is late my heart. Words plucked out of the air some forty years ago
when I was wild with love. Darling, do you remember the man you married?
Touch me. Remind me who I am.”
Like, that kind of a feeling, you know?
DAVIS
I’m sorry.
EKIWAH
Oh, no no no. I’m very happy with my life.
I’ll try someone else.
Have a beautiful day.
starts to turn away
DAVIS
No, no, no. But seriously, man. Honestly. I just want to tell you, yah, I totally
hear you. I just want to say.
It’s not what you think it is.
EKIWAH
. . . .
DAVIS
It’s . . . It’s . . . Well. I rented a movie from there once.
And then I saw the woman was really thin, her bones were all sticking out
she had pounds of make up to cover her sleep rings and I was like, why? You
know what I mean? That girl looked really bad – And I’m sorry, real people
don’t look like that.
And like, she was being so objectified and looked so miserable and I just
vomited. It was disgusting. I’m just trying to say. You are such a nice guy.
And honestly, the stuff down there, you don’t know who you would meet, or
who would take advantage of you. Just be careful, okay?
EKIWAH
(downloads this)
Thank you.
I guess I thought . . .
Never-mind, thank you. Thank you for your help.
a woman appears
ekiwah is struck by her
she climbs up to the sex shop
inspired, ekiwah writes a letter to a lover he doesn’t know yet:
EKIWAH
I sing to your invisible shape
thickening in the frost on my window
and disappearing as I touch you
In the married women
whose bodies I cannot reach
I'm reminded of your boldness
They travel beneath the earth
to make love with death and live doubly
shooting spring into the minerals of the underground.
beat
I dream of the pomegranate scattering
her jeweled laughter
across rivers and sinewy orchards
and young women shimmering light
within the day's gray studios
Beloved,
I wont be able to lift you into bed
jog with you on the beach
or unbutton you quickly
but I will come slowly
rolling on wheels
I strive to hear
the wind between the small cracks
of one sentence and another
bearing news of you
My body is an erect bamboo hungering heat
I'm not cut out for monastic love
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Expresing my sexual feelings
Since I was a young boy I was very romantic and would dream of the time when I would have children and be a father. I was quick to fall in love and I haven't changed much. There is plenty of room in my heart. Early on women both from Mexico and U.S gathered around me and became intimate friends. I was fortunate enough to hear about their feelings, relationships and gain their admiration and trust. Some of them seemed to say flirtatious things to me verbally but when I returned that flirtation they often backed off.
I also noticed that my friends in Mexico that were in not in wheelchairs were having usually a little more experience than I. They were going on dates, having short lived relationships, many of them already having sex and I wasn't. My friends in Mexico who were in wheelchairs who were around my age had some romances with other people in wheelchairs but not with people "without a disability."
Often when I expressed my romantic feelings towards women who I thought might reciprocate their response would be something like this: " I don't know what I feel for you.. Its a feeling I cant describe. I think its kind of like being in love -- I mean I find you attractive, but its more of a spiritual connection. To this day I don't know how much of those ambivalent responses were linked directly to my disability or what part of them were simply related to me regardless of my wheelchair. Thats part of the question. It seemed that at least on some occasions some of my female bodied friends I think experienced some fear around having to face my body and so transmuted their feelings of attraction into purely spiritual love. Although I say this as a statement its more of a question then an affirmation.
During my first year of college there was a young woman who was obviously in a very sexual mood. She was asking people random people to sit on her and stroke her. But for whatever reason boys were ignoring her. I said " You can cuddle with me" Before she could stop herself she said ... No.. you can't get it up. You are in a wheelchair. Her assumption that I was physically incapable didn't really anger me -- it made me aware that ableisim (unconscious prejudice towards bodies that stray from normalcy) can be a very real oppressive force that can in a small or big way affect all of us...
I also noticed that my friends in Mexico that were in not in wheelchairs were having usually a little more experience than I. They were going on dates, having short lived relationships, many of them already having sex and I wasn't. My friends in Mexico who were in wheelchairs who were around my age had some romances with other people in wheelchairs but not with people "without a disability."
Often when I expressed my romantic feelings towards women who I thought might reciprocate their response would be something like this: " I don't know what I feel for you.. Its a feeling I cant describe. I think its kind of like being in love -- I mean I find you attractive, but its more of a spiritual connection. To this day I don't know how much of those ambivalent responses were linked directly to my disability or what part of them were simply related to me regardless of my wheelchair. Thats part of the question. It seemed that at least on some occasions some of my female bodied friends I think experienced some fear around having to face my body and so transmuted their feelings of attraction into purely spiritual love. Although I say this as a statement its more of a question then an affirmation.
During my first year of college there was a young woman who was obviously in a very sexual mood. She was asking people random people to sit on her and stroke her. But for whatever reason boys were ignoring her. I said " You can cuddle with me" Before she could stop herself she said ... No.. you can't get it up. You are in a wheelchair. Her assumption that I was physically incapable didn't really anger me -- it made me aware that ableisim (unconscious prejudice towards bodies that stray from normalcy) can be a very real oppressive force that can in a small or big way affect all of us...
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Some terms and clarifications before we "get our hands dirty"
I cant really speak for people in wheelchairs because everyone's experience is widely different. When I feel that others are perceiving me as asexual or when I think they are afraid of facing their sexual feelings towards me because of my disability I know that it is an intuition and difficult to back up with hard evidence. When I generalize it is for the purposes of poetry persuasion and economy of language not because I think I am a know it all.
To this day, when I express my romantic sexual feelings towards someone and that person says they are confused or that they can't reciprocate my feelings I don't know when they mean it and when they are simply answering that because its easier than admitting they are attracted to someone with a "different" body. That is still a question I am trying to figure out.
I can only speak directly from my own subjective perspective as a 22 year old heterosexual Mexican U.S.ian wheelchair using male. I will sometimes refer to the experiences of friends with and without disability with their permission if I think it is pertinent. I will try to quote their words to represent their views as fairly as possible.
Stories and questions both from people with and without disability are crucial to enrich the scope of knowledge experience and perception that this blog can encompass.
Also when ever I make references to women that in my perception have been hesitant to see me as a sexual being or acknowledge their own attraction towards me -- I am not in any way trying to blame them or incriminate them but simply reflecting on my feelings as well as trying to shed light on the silence around disability. I welcome challenges to my opinions as long as they are in good spirits.
I dont really like using the term differently-able(d), because I feel it is too general. Everyone is differently abled. The term is to ambiguous for my taste. It beats around the bush. It belongs to a political correctness that can be beneficial but also in my experience unintentionally hurtful. Take this as a playful example:
Stranger: “ How does it feel to be differently abled?”
Ekiwah: “ You might be differently abled but I am DISABLED and I need some help putting my wheelchair in this car so I can go to the movies.”
I find reclaiming the terms "disabled" "person in a wheelchair" "wheelchair user" means that I am not embarrassed about my condition and don't view it as something that needs to be explained, justified or excused with other terms to cover it up or embellish it.
I will also use the term ableism to describe conscious or unconscious discrimination towards people with physical ability different from what is considered normal. I think its a word that can sound accusing and must be used with caution
Of course I think we need to reinvent the language of disability. The word disabled is too generalized and " person in a wheelchair” gives too much of an image of being permanently in a wheelchair. "Wheelchair user" on the other hand could mean anyone who uses a wheelchair at any point so it doesn't account for people who have been interacting with a wheelchair most of their lives due to a physical disability. The rather hip term "crip" short for crippled is also available. I have problems with all of these labels. For now disabled and wheelchair user are the one's I feel most comfortable with. Whatever. In my opinion as long as it's honest and respectful its all up for grabs! :)
To this day, when I express my romantic sexual feelings towards someone and that person says they are confused or that they can't reciprocate my feelings I don't know when they mean it and when they are simply answering that because its easier than admitting they are attracted to someone with a "different" body. That is still a question I am trying to figure out.
I can only speak directly from my own subjective perspective as a 22 year old heterosexual Mexican U.S.ian wheelchair using male. I will sometimes refer to the experiences of friends with and without disability with their permission if I think it is pertinent. I will try to quote their words to represent their views as fairly as possible.
Stories and questions both from people with and without disability are crucial to enrich the scope of knowledge experience and perception that this blog can encompass.
Also when ever I make references to women that in my perception have been hesitant to see me as a sexual being or acknowledge their own attraction towards me -- I am not in any way trying to blame them or incriminate them but simply reflecting on my feelings as well as trying to shed light on the silence around disability. I welcome challenges to my opinions as long as they are in good spirits.
I dont really like using the term differently-able(d), because I feel it is too general. Everyone is differently abled. The term is to ambiguous for my taste. It beats around the bush. It belongs to a political correctness that can be beneficial but also in my experience unintentionally hurtful. Take this as a playful example:
Stranger: “ How does it feel to be differently abled?”
Ekiwah: “ You might be differently abled but I am DISABLED and I need some help putting my wheelchair in this car so I can go to the movies.”
I find reclaiming the terms "disabled" "person in a wheelchair" "wheelchair user" means that I am not embarrassed about my condition and don't view it as something that needs to be explained, justified or excused with other terms to cover it up or embellish it.
I will also use the term ableism to describe conscious or unconscious discrimination towards people with physical ability different from what is considered normal. I think its a word that can sound accusing and must be used with caution
Of course I think we need to reinvent the language of disability. The word disabled is too generalized and " person in a wheelchair” gives too much of an image of being permanently in a wheelchair. "Wheelchair user" on the other hand could mean anyone who uses a wheelchair at any point so it doesn't account for people who have been interacting with a wheelchair most of their lives due to a physical disability. The rather hip term "crip" short for crippled is also available. I have problems with all of these labels. For now disabled and wheelchair user are the one's I feel most comfortable with. Whatever. In my opinion as long as it's honest and respectful its all up for grabs! :)
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