Why I have been away for so long... and I am back.

Dear friends and strangers as some of you may have noticed I have been away from this blog for a very long time. I am extremely busy. My poetry, my friends, my physical exercises take a long time and I can barely keep up. I dont know if this is my goodbye note to the blog. I think disability and sexuality is a very important topic but I also feel I can use my disability as an excuse to justify my sexual insecurity and put words into other peoples mouths. When maybe it is more simple then what I make it out to be: If people find me attractive they can get over their prejudices if I have played my cards right - if not its their loss, or perhaps it was not meant be, or I said something at the wrong moment but really that happens to people who are not in wheelchairs as well. While know abelisim is real and prejudice is real I refuse now to let that make me fall into a state where I whine about "lack of sexual life." When I think about it I have had some wonderful sexual experiences even if they have been few, Ive known romance, Ive known what is to fall in love, out of love, to be heart broken and break peoples hearts so goodbye self pitty. If I dont compare my sexual life to those of others - Ive had a pretty good time with its ups and downs. So goodbye blog? I dont know. I NEED MORE COMENTS AND FEEDBACK TO KEEP THIS BLOG GOING. I WONT BE OFFENDED IF I DONT GET THEM, BUT IT IS NOT WORTH WHILE IF THEY ARE JUST MESSAGES IN A BOTTLE IN THE MIDDLE OF CYBERSPACE.

THE WOODS

She pushed
my wheelchair
into the woods
Before I could
tuck myself under
the heavy blanket
of a metaphysical subject—
a midsummer night descended
suddenly upon us
and we slipped
into bodies of moss and leaf,
braided by the thin strands of the rain.
Her hair,
a labyrinth of orange light,
her eyes alert like skittish mares
the turn of her voice
bright autumn
I, with her in my arms...
became at once
a line of smoke
where sky meets sea
over the worlds
curved blue lip
and one coherent piece
of cosmic clay
feeling wanted for the first time
not in spite of my body
but because of it
every one of my cells opening
into gardens of motion and silence.

Then like a smiling skull
cut out of tissue paper
and strung in a row of prayer flags
for the time when the dead
laugh with the living
our day floated thru the night...

Acsexible: fashion, beauty and wheelchairs

This note has a jumpy quality to it. Leaping from idea to idea. Maybe its because I'm in a jumpy mood or the connections arent teased out in my mind yet. I will let it be as is. Maybe you can help me connect the dots. I trust there is a link between them.

I think its time to suggest a new turn to the fashion industry and create wheelchair accesible bras. In other words to become acsexible. That's how I plan to get rich. I know -- I'm serious, its a little frustrating to be in a really romantic moment and kill it by fumbling trying to get a bra undone and struggling to unsnap it.

And what about wheelchairs? They're so robotic and foreign looking. They evoke an alien machine, a go go gadget thing, an infirm object. Or at least they do in some peoples minds. I say bring on the art. Let wheelchairs be filled with street art, murals, flowers, politics. Let our wheelchairs become an extension of our external identity instead of a de-personalized unsexy object. That's why the back of my wheelchair now is spray painted pink. Its just the beginning though I want a jungle of color there.

Certain groups within the Mayan tradition used to flatten babies forehead's with stones when they were born because they saw the flat foreheads as a sign of beauty. Though this practice may seem brutal to us its interesting to note that in many indigenous cultures deformity and mutilation of the body was seen as a sign of beauty. I don't take credit for these words; a colleague who is a fashion designer and has done plenty of research on the subject mentioned them in passing.

Its true. Even today piercings and tattoo's which are from a certain angle a kind of defilement to the body can be seen as a sign of sexiness. We have to bring that idea back in the context of disability and deformity. If someone has some part of their body amputated or atrophied... there are two choices, both of which are valid: 1) You can hide it. 2) You can find ways to say " This is my body and I find it beautiful. That's where we need the creative fashion and costume designers to give us their input. ,

The media often portrays people in wheelchairs as infirm, heroic, childlike and sickly among other things. How about just showing people in wheelchairs as ordinary sexy people with their own diverse sense of style?

I think the media has very narrow image of beauty that contributes to some peoples notion about disability being in some way related to unattractiveness. I think its really wonderful when art, images and film can challenge and question the boundaries between beautiful and ugly. In other words, there are many types of inner and outer beauty and I aspire to welcome its diverse shapes.

In certain cases someone with a disability needs to adapt the clothes they wear because of certain limitations which in turn limits the clothes they can wear. I have a hard time with zippers and pants with buttons on them so some clothes I like have to be adapted for me or I simply can't wear them even if I like how they look.

Clothes that are both fashionable sexy and easy to wear for all kinds of people regardless of their physical limitations must be more available. Jane Austen said "there are as many ways to love as moments in time. I think what she said
also applies to beauty - there are as many ways to be beautiful as moments in time.