Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Opening thoughts

Have you noticed there is often an assumption that people with a disability, specifically people in wheelchairs, are often perceived as asexual or physically incapable of having sex? Where does this perception come from?

Men who have suffered severe spinal injury and therefore end up in wheelchairs can get paralyzed from the waist down and that can make their sexual organs inactive but even then, as a couple of friends have confirmed, sexual activity other than intercourse is possible. And some have used artificial insemination to have children is possible

People who are in wheelchairs due to cerebral palsy or any other neuro-muscular disability are usually perfectly and biologically capable of intercourse and even in the rare cases when they are not there is no reason to think it makes them asexual. It is important to make a distinction between people who have walked most of their lives and suddenly have an accident and those like myself that have been in and out of a wheelchair for their entire life. I see my disability as a way of life and something I was born with rather than something to get use to.

I think sexuality in relation to people in wheelchairs is a taboo topic that deserves to be addressed. How many well known books or movies can you think of that touch upon the subject? I will draw from personal experience and the experiences of friends both with and without a disability to start a conversation. I also welcome your questions, comments and stories on this issue.


  1. This is a rather illogical stigma, too. Even the infantil-ization (I don't know if that is a real word because firefox says it isn't)of sexual individuals with disabilities doesn't follow through with it's logic.

    the supposed logic is as follows:

    human with disability =
    human infant comprehension =
    no sex


    human infant comprehension =
    chimpanzee comprehension
    chimpanzee with developed sex organs =
    lots of sex

    hmmm...logic malfunction anyone?

    What's even more disturbing is that there are a lot of parents who don't give their physically disabled child(ren) an education on "where babies come from". It's like "nah, you don't need to know cuz you're not gonna anyway." That's rotting bullshit.

    I always tell myself this: one of the worst kinds of sexual relationships is one that requires you to earn it with your assets and not with you.

  2. For me its deeper than my parents lack of conversations on sex or the stigma of mental retardation that often is merged with those with disability. I just don't know how I feel. Have i loved someone in a wheelchair? yes. sexually attracted? not sure. attracted? yes. What does that mean? Has anyone considered that people just don't know the parts enough to even know where to start? I know sex can be a "touch and go" with all beginnings, but for me it the ultimate power play game and I quite honestly like to be overpowered. I know that being in a wheel chair does not make you weak (gosh knows some of my friends are way stronger than I am), but its another stigma to consider. Its also controversial, like interracial dating. In the media the only people we see with people in wheelchairs are women who look to have no other option aesthetically (no offense) or MILFS waiting for their husbands to die. The view is bleak, but maybe with this blog I can get some understanding. Furthermore, what of genetics? People subconsciously also have sex with potential mates and extinct-ually those are the healthiest people. Disabilities are looked at as historically lesser mates. Don't mean to be a downer, but I tell you all this for the sake of growth.

  3. I think you raise important points. Here is what I'm hearing you say: Unconsciously the fear that can be triggered is that having sex would someone in a wheelchair means ones offspring would be weak unhealthy or genetically malformed.

    I know two couples were one of the people has a disability and the other one dosent. One is a wheelchair and the other isnt. Both of them have wonderful healthy children without a disability. So the assumption there that is false is that your being in a wheelchair is something your offspring will inherent.

    What you are saying about the way the media portrays disability is absolutely true. Often people with disabilities are portrayed as unattractive in numerous ways. That dosent help things. Some people in wheelchairs have a greater sex appeal then others but thats a question of personal opinion and the wheelchair isn't what should determine that. Although sadly it often does in peoples mind.

    As far as what your saying about wanting to be overpowered every person in a wheelchair has different ranges of mobility. For instance for me it is a little easier if a woman is on top of my body when having sex and it takes me a little bit longer to come then the average male I think but these are rhythms that can be worked out in a case by case scenario.

    Being in a wheelchair and having different mobility ranges doesn't necessarily mean they dont have strong bodies or that they are incapable of overpowering you. There are times with my girlfriend were I would be the one to take of her clothes and initiate sexual contact.

    Some people in wheelchairs are more submissive as far as sex goes then others - thats true for anybody regardless of a disability.

    Whats true is that when having sex with someone in a wheelchair that person might have areas of their body that are more sensitive or they might need to go a little slower then the average person or ask the person without disability to be in certain positions that arent necessarily the most typical. That makes sex easier. All of that varies from couple to couple and can be worked out thru communication and experimentation. Thank you for your thoughts and honesty. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask more questions and respond